Funny Things Percy Says
by wannabannabeth
Summary: Basicaly each chapter is a different funny thing Percy might say in the middle of a conversation at camp. If you have any ideas of a funny thing he might say share it with me in the comments box and I'll put it in a chapter! This story will never be complete cause with your help I can keep thinking of funny things Percy says!
1. smells like Annabeths hair

**Authors note: This story really doesn't have a plot, so I don't want any flames about how it has lack of adventure, or no story line, or not being long enough to be called a story. Even though all those things are true, I don't want to hear it 'cause this is just a joke I had with my sister which I felt like sharing with you all.**

Ch.1

Percy's P.O.V

Katie, Travis, Connor, Leo, Piper, Jason, Nyssa, Will, Rachel, Grover, Thalia, Annabeth, and I gather around the Demeter table after lunch to see the flower Katie found in the strawberry fields.

"It is so weird; I just found it while picking strawberries. I've never seen a white rose in camp before." Katie tells us.

"The flower smells like root beer." Connor says.

"No, it smells like coke." Travis argues.

"I think it smells like pine cones." Thalia says.

"It smells like Khione." Leo says.

"She will never be your prom date man!" Jason says, "But I think it smells like a storm cloud."

"I think it smells like Lacy's perfume." Piper says.

"It smells like the last Oracle." Rachel says.

"It smells like bunker nine." Nyssa says.

"I think it smells like the flying chariot." Will says.

"It smells like my favorite double expresso!" Grover says.

"You guys are all crazy; it just smells like a flower." Annabeth says.

"It smells like Annabeth's hair." I blink. "Wait did I just say that out loud?" I ask. Annabeth starts to laugh and everybody says "yes" in unison. "Um I meant it smells like lemons."

"Does my hair smell like lemons?" Annabeth asks.

"Yeah, it does." I say quietly feeling my face turn red. Everyone starts to laugh and I join them.

**Important! Read this****»****So here is my idea down below in that box that says comments write down something funny or embarrassing you think Percy would say and I'll put it in the next chapter! Otherwise it will be a really long time until I update again, so use the power of the keyboard and review! **


	2. hey Terminus, wanna play catch

**Authors note: Di Immortales! I didn't know people loved randomness so much! I got so many reviews I just couldn't wait to write the next chapter! So here it is**** (these chapters will not be related to each other at all just to let you know)****. Oh by the way ****headintheclouds818 ****this is your suggestion. I hope you like it!**

Ch.2

Percy's P.O.V

I was getting restless; it had been three days since Leo sent that video scroll and there was still no war ship in the sky. I am way to ADHD to wait that long so I tried everything to keep myself occupied. I tried training but that made me think of the giant war, which made me think of the ship, which reminded me that it wasn't in the sky. I tried chatting with friends but the conversations always ended up being about the war, which reminded me of the ship, which reminded me that it wasn't in the sky. I even volunteered to spend extra time guarding the camp gates, but that made me even more alert which made me look everywhere (including the sky) which made me notice that there wasn't a ship there.

So I'm sitting on my bunk right now looking around the building for the fifth cohort. Almost everyone has trinkets or toys on their night stand, on one there is a full set of stuffed angry birds and directly across the room there are a bunch of stuffed pigs set on a Popsicle stick tower. Those two guys had a great sense of humor, every night before curfew they would take turns chucking birds across the room trying to hit the pigs, and then they would end up throwing them at each other. I glance at my night stand feeling bored out of my mind, and I see the baseball I found one day on my way to my dad's temple to give an offering. I pick it up and walk outside hoping maybe Frank or Hazel would play catch.

I walk around the camp looking for Frank and when I find him in the field of Mars he's looking pretty busy training with a sword (because we all decided that if he was going to come with us to Greece he needed to get up close and personal with the giants). So I decide to go find Hazel. I look around the rest of the field of Mars, then the mess principia, then the barracks, then the fifth cohort (even though I had just been in there.) Then I search temple hill. I couldn't find her in any of those places so that means she's either guarding the camp entrance or tacking a really long potty break.

I start to wander around not exactly sure what to do, then I see the boundaries of new Rome and I see Terminus the statue. I grin to myself evilly, as long as I'm here…"Hey Terminus!" I say getting his attention. I start to toss the ball into the air and catching it in my hand a grin on my face ear to ear. "Want to play catch?"

The statues eyes widen "Pluto no! Not since I nearly died in the invasion. It's a miracle that they were able to glue me back together! I'm not gonna risk it anymore, so run along! Go play with one of your friends." I pretend to throw the ball at him. "Hey, whoa, whoa, WHOA! No need to get violent we can make peace! Honestly I can't get in another accident, if my mother finds out then she'll force me out of my job! And it gets so boring at mothers house, especially when…" Terminus keeps rambling on but I stop listening, I'm too busy laughing my head off.

**And yes ****Iheartbd's**** it's meant to be one of those stories where you laugh slightly confused then realize everyone else in the room is looking at you like you fell from the sky. That's the fun of it! So same as last time people, if you have an idea tell me in your comments below. What funny thing will Percy say next? I feel a country song coming along!**


	3. red solo cup

**Authors note: This is your chapter Humberto! I hope you like it. It took me forever to figure out how to set it up. (In case you don't understand what is happening, pain killer makes you act really loopy.)**

3rd person P.O.V

"Clarisse, I am very disappointed in you." Chiron said.

"What did I do?" Clarisse asked.

"I specifically told you not to try to kill anyone!" Chiron exclaimed.

"I didn't try to kill anybody." Clarisse said.

"Then why did you almost stab Percy through the chest with your spear?" Chiron asked.

"He was making me angry." Clarisse replied.

"What am I going to do with you girl?! You have kitchen duty for the next month." Chiron said.

"What?" Clarisse said.

"You heard me." Chiron said.

"Ugggh." Clarisse said and stalked off. Chiron turned around and knelt down, folding his front legs carefully under himself. Sitting in front of him was Percy, Annabeth, and Will Solace. Annabeth's eyes followed Will's every move as he stitched up Percy's side.

"Why didn't you take him to the infirmary?" Chiron asked. Will was too busy to respond so Annabeth said.

"He would have bled to death before we even got there."

Will sat back on his heels and said. "He's all better now. Percy you might be a little sore for a few days, do you want me to get you some pain killer?"

"No I'll be fine." Percy said then tried to stand up, but he screamed.

"Get him some medicine." Annabeth said.

"K." Will said, and then he ran towards the infirmary.

Chiron stood up and said. "I have to go teach an archery class, Annabeth will you stay here with Percy?"

Annabeth looked at him like he was crazy. "No!" she said sarcastically "I'm just going to leave him in the woods all by himself to be eaten by a hell hound."

"Thank you Annabeth." Chiron smiled.

"No problem." Annabeth said and Chiron left the two sitting there surrounded by trees. Percy shifted his weight and began to grimace. Annabeth crawled behind him and wrapped her arms around him inviting him to lean back. "She is a malẚka." Percy grumbled.** (Go to bottom for translation.)**

Annabeth laughed, "Percy!"

"Well it's true." He said. Percy rested in Annabeth's arms, and Annabeth rested on a tree while they waited for Will to come back with medicine.

A few minutes later Grover walked up with a measuring cup in his hand. "Hey guys, Will told me to give Percy this." Grover handed the cup to Percy and Percy drank it.

"Will would have come, but he had to separate two Aphrodite girls that were arguing over nail polish. It was really funny." Grover told them. Annabeth helped Percy stand up, and they herd the dinner horn.

"Perfect timing." Annabeth said. The made their way to the dining pavilion and they all separated into their parts of the lines. After diner Annabeth and Grover noticed Percy was acting a little strange.

"Can I have some water?" Percy asked.

"Uhhh sure." Grover said, and then he trotted off to get some. Annabeth waited with Percy in the commons area, she watched as Percy had a heated discussion with a blade of grass that was stuck to his shoe. When Grover came back he handed Percy a red plastic cup filled with water. Percy took his attention away from the grass and stared at the cup in his hand.

"Hello red solo cup." He said very seriously. "How are you today?" Percy said still talking to the cup.

"Percy," Annabeth said, "Plastic cups are inanimate objects, they don't talk."

"Annabeth?" Percy said.

"What?" Annabeth asked.

"Let me tell you something." He said.

"Okay." She said.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked holding up the cup.

"It looks like a red solo cup." Annabeth replied.

"Yes. Now a red solo cup is the best receptacle for barbeques tailgates fairs and festivals."

"Hey I know this song!" Grover said.

Percy pointed at Grover. "And you sir do not have a pair of…"

"Ahhh!" Grover said to avoid the next word.

"If you prefer drinking from glass." Percy continued.

"Uhhh?" Annabeth said confused.

"A red solo cup is cheap and disposable, and in fourteen years they are decomposable." Percy sang.

"That I knew." Annabeth said.

"And unlike my home, they are not foreclosable Freddie-Mac can kiss my…"

"AHHH!" Grover interrupted again.

"Whoo!" Percy cheered. "Red solo cup, I fill you up, let's have a party! Let's have a party!"

"Percy, are you feeling okay?" Annabeth asked. But Percy doesn't listen, he just continues to sing.

"I love you red solo cup, I lift you up," Percy lifts his cup in the air and belts out the next verse. "Proceed to party! Proceed to party!"

"I hope he is just joking with us." Annabeth says to Grover.

"Now I really love how you're easy to stack, but I really hate how you're easy to crack,"

"I don't think he's joking." Grover responds.

"Cuz when beer runs down the front of my pack,"

"You don't drink beer." Grover tries to tell Percy.

"But you have to admit he's got a pretty nice pack." Annabeth says.

"Well that my friends is quite yucky!"

"Why is he acting like this?" Annabeth asks although she looks quite amused.

"But I have to admit the ladies get smitten, admiring how sharply my first name is written, on you with a Sharpie when I get to hittin on them to help me get lucky!"

The amusement drops from Annabeth's face "Excuse me?"

"Relax Annabeth it's just part of the song, he doesn't really mean it." Grover tells her.

"Red solo cup, I fill you up. Let's have a party! Let's have a party!"

"Then why is he singing it?"

"I love you red solo cup, I lift you up," Percy raises his cup again, but Annabeth pulls his arm back down. "Proceed to party! Proceed to party!"

"Maybe he's just tired. I remember my younger cousin Robby always went crazy before he went to bed." Grover suggests.

"Now I've seen you in blue and I've seen you in yellow but only you red will do for this fellow."

"That's funny Percy always prefers thing in blue." Annabeth comments.

"Again just part of the song." Grover reminds her.

"I know it's just weird to hear him say that."

"Because you are the Abbot to my Costello, and you are the fruit to my loom."

"I will never wear fruit of the loom again." Grover shudders.

"Oh come on Grover that was like five years ago!" Annabeth reminds him.

"Still! The Minotaur should not wear fruit of the loom." Grover says.

"Then what would he wear? Hanes?" Annabeth asks.

"Red solo cup you're more than just plastic."

"Not really." Annabeth said.

"You're more than amazing."

"How is a cup amazing at all?" Grover asks.

"You're more than fantastic."

"What is his definition of fantastic?" Annabeth asks in return.

"I have no clue." Grover responds.

"And believe me that I'm not the least bit sarcastic when I look at you and say:"

"Oh gods what now?" Annabeth says.

"Red solo cup, you're not just a cup, you're my friend. Thank you for being my friend."

"I think we've just been replaced by a red plastic cup." Grover says.

"Red solo cup, I fill you up. Let's have a party! Let's have a party!"

"The song's almost over, let's get him to his cabin before he starts singing something else." Grover says as he takes one of Percy's arms, and Annabeth takes the other. They both drag him towards cabin three.

"I love you red solo cup, I lift you up," Percy tries to lit up his cup but he can't. "Proceed to party! Proceed to party!" They reach the Poseidon cabin and get Percy inside. Annabeth turns away while Grover helps Percy into Pajamas and Percy keeps singing.

"Red solo cup, I fill you up. Let's have a party! Let's have a party! I love you Red solo cup, I lift you up," Percy sets his cup on the night stand. "Proceed to party! Proceed to party!"

"Done." Grover says, and Annabeth turns around. She shoves him onto his bunk bed. Grover throws the covers onto him and he sings the final verse so loud the whole camp could probably here it.

"Red solo cup! Solo cup!" Then he collapses into sleep immediately.

"I have a bone to pick with Solace." Annabeth said as she and Grover walked out of the cabin closing the doors behind them.

"But I think I'll do it in the morning." She decides.

**I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians or red solo cup by Toby Keith (Mal****ẚ****ka is Greek for a**hole)**


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